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I hold myself rock still, as my fingers drive on. I ache to thrust into myself. My mind's show sees you behind me, my ass poking up at you. Chest down to the sheet, I sense you touching, then sliding into soaking wet folds. I want that penetration, but I cannot while entangled with you, and so I press harder with my fingers against my aching needy clit. I see your fingers grasping the flesh of my hips as you move against me, answering my demands. My legs ache from the tightness as I strive to remain still. My breath catches and snags, chest rising in uneven spurts. I press harder and rub the slick button, all my muscles clenching. I am so close to the orgasm I crave. My toes are clenched as are my cheeks trying with all my might to remain still, to leave you undisturbed. The TV watches it's dirty show that is nowhere near as dirty as the one in my mind. My muscles are tight, painful with the strain, and I wish to thrash. Fiercely, I hold myself as still as possible. No longer do I. I was in a uniqueposition to answer it. I was James. Yet, I was also Bess. Was I moreBess than James now? Clearly, I felt that I was.Nevertheless, I decided I would put myself to the test so I cleared mymind as best I could and focused only on the single issue of motherhoodwith all the scrupulousness, all the strictest standards of integrity towhich I could hold myself. It is agonizing for me to be self-critical,and I normally do my best to avoid it. But in the end my conclusion wasI would have a baby.There must be, however, certain conditions already in place. I had totruly love the father, and, equally important, the father must trulylove me. I would not give birth to a baby born of rape and would turn mycase over to the women who knew the secret ways of dealing with anunwanted pregnancy.I would not give birth to a child born out of incest. I would not usepregnancy as a contrivance to separate a man from his gold. But I wouldgladly give birth for love?s sake, even if my life were.
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